A Lesson Learned Through Actions

 

(These pictures show that when out into a room together, boys will naturally start building or creating things and girls will naturally start playing with dolls. It was very interesting to watch them immediately separate into different groups.)

No matter what anyone tells me about their idea of school, I believe school is a place to learn. Learn reading. Learn writing. Learn Math. Learn Science. Learn History. Learn how to share and get along with others. It's not the school's job to raise the kids, but nowadays it seems most parents have conceded their privilege of raising a kid to schools. This topic is for another day so let me get back to the sharing part. In school, kids can learn how to share. But it has to be taught because we all know it isn't natural. I'm writing about this because of a very sad situation that happened today. 

Boy A and boy B were building cars together. Suddenly boy B wanted a piece of boy A's car. 

Boy A said no and immediately boy B threw a crying fit. 

Other teacher 1 took boy A's car and gave the whole thing to boy B. This made boy A sad, so then she took it back.

 Boy B started crying loudly again and other teacher 2 came over, grabbed boy A's car, and gave it back to boy B. She told him to stop crying and boy B did because he had what he wanted.

 I felt sad and sick watching this. 

Sad for boy A who had tears in his eyes because he had built his own car, and it was snatched away. 

Sad for boy A because his work was disregarded.

Sad because this was a missed teaching moment. 

We teachers aren't just here to teach speaking, reading, writing. Sharing, good manners, politeness, kindness also need to be fostered.  

I felt sick because other teacher 2 taught both boys that crying fits get rewarded. 

Sick because she showed them that boy A's feelings were less important than boy B's. 

Sick because boy A learned that in an unfair situation, even if he did nothing wrong, this adult won't stand up for him.

Sick because boy B learned that loudness wins. 

Sick because boy A learned that his own feelings aren't respected. 

You might think - they couldn't have learned all this just in this moment. 

But yes. 

Yes, they did.

 And it becomes cemented in their minds when this affirming behavior by adults happens over and over again. I've seen boy B throw fits when he tries to snatch something away from someone else. Why does he continue? 

Because this other adult has taught him through her actions that impatience and loudness is acceptable behavior. That crying = control and calmness = overlooked. 

To change this into a great teaching moment would have only taken a minute or two to teach boy B how to use words and guide them on how to share, take turns, or build together so that both could have felt heard and respected. 

I don't think adults realize how much children learn through watching adults' actions. Yes, they learn academics through what we speak, but they learn how to live and interact through listening and watching our behaviors and how we handle situations.  

Teaching is not only surface level. It also reaches the heart. I believe this for teachers and parents alike because parenting is teaching 24/7/365. I think a teacher or parent who raises or helps to shape a well-rounded individual that contributes to society, shows kindness to others, knows how to practice delayed gratification, knows how to think and talk through a situation, and knows how to serve and love others wins far more than an adult who only teaches surface level. 

Words matter.

Actions matter. 

Use both carefully.