God's Character as a Standard

In the previous post, we looked at the differences between standards and preferences. Now we're going to look at God as our ultimate standard. We can never be God, nor sinless, but we can work on ourselves to be like him in character.  

💗God tells the truth. 
He never manipulates, gaslights, twists reality to control, or distorts reality to protect himself. He says in John 8:32, "And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free." Truth creates freedom. The more of it you know and obey, the more you'll be free from the flesh, the world, and the devil. 

💗God respects free will. 

In the beginning in the garden, he created humans with a choice to love God or not. 

And he invites.

 He calls. 

He knocks. 

He convicts. 

He warns. 

But he NEVER forces love. 

Forced love isn't love at all. He doesn't use guilt, fear, intimidation, pressure, or manipulation to control peoples' choices. 

LOVE NEVER HAS TO CONTROL IN ORDER TO EXIST. 

Thankfully, God's love isn't like humans' love which is oftentimes conditional. A child's parent or grown-up may say the empty words of "I love you" but that's exactly what they are. Empty.  I'll say it a thousand times over again, actions speak louder than words. 

Reminds me of a book I read when I was a kid called Love Does. Great title. 

Anyone who says to another, "I love you," then continues to yell at that person, treat that person evilly, bully, shame, hurt, etc. does not love.  

One of my favorite songs have the sweetest lyrics: 

How I love to read the book you wrote for me. You loved the world so much you gave your Son. 

But you don't have to tell me. 

You proved how much you loved me, and I know.

I'll still know that if you never speak another word of blessing, and the silence leaves me with a sense of loss, I'll remember when my heart begins to question.

Any doubt that you loved me, was settled at the cross. 

God didn't only say he loved me and you. He proved it. With actions. 

We love him because he first loved us. (1 John 4:19) And even though his heart has no desire that any should perish, he still never forces anyone to love him back. 

💗God is consistent. 

Hebrews 13:8 says, "Jesus Christ the same yesterday, and to day, and for ever."

Amazing. I never have to guess what version of God I'll encounter today. His character doesn't change with his mood. He's faithful, steady, dependable, predictable, and consistent. He's my perfect Father. (When you really know God and experience his faithfulness over and over, male attention or a spouse just doesn't fit into the picture anymore.)

Because of God's consistency, I have an environment where my faith can keep growing. 

💗God corrects without condemning. 

He 1,000% confronts sin. But his correction is aimed at restoration - not humiliation. He exposes darkness so healing can begin. 

He convicts because he loves. 

He disciplines because I'm his daughter. 

He uses truth, not shame, to transform - not control. 

Correction says, "come back." 

Condemnation says, "you won't be enough."

God's voice leads toward repentance and life. 

💗God's character is the safest place my heart will ever know. 

Psalm 61:3-4: "For thou has been a shelter for me, and a strong tower from the enemy. I will abide in thy tabernacle for ever: I will trust in the covert of thy wings."

His love doesn't require deception. His authority doesn't require intimidation. His correction doesn't destroy dignity. His presence is safe & healing. The beautiful thing is, the more deeply I know God's character, the more clearly I can recognize what does not reflect him. 

 

Standards vs. Preferences

 

Let's discuss something that often gets confused. Standards vs. preferences.

Standard: a level of quality or attainment; a rule or principle that's used as a basis for judgment. 

Preference: a greater liking for one thing over another; a choice or judgment based on what one likes better. 

Now we're going to apply this to relationships. All the time, women will ask each other, "what's your standard for a guy?" Then the other will start saying things they like, such as "be good at sports, be a good cook, know how to take care of the car, etc." 
But none of these answer the question. These are answers to the preference question: "Who am I attracted to?"

The standard question answers: "Who am I committed to being?" 

To relate this to dating, we realize men have become ridiculously good at evaluating women based solely on their preferences. For example: Men teach other men to look for women who are feminine, fit, beautiful, peaceful, agreeable, hard-working, childless, faithful, and "traditional" enough (whatever that means) to impress but modern enough to split rent if necessary.  

Standards, on the other hand, aren't a code of conduct for someone else. They're a code of conduct for yourself. 

For example: 

👉I don't lie. 

👉I keep my word. 

👉I apologize when I'm wrong. 

👉I don't disappear when conflict gets uncomfortable. 

👉I don't entertain people I'm unsure about. 

👉I don't make crude jokes about anyone. 

👉I stand up for women. 

👉I don't ask someone to live by principles I haven't adopted myself. 

Notice that none of these statements require a partner to exist. That's because standards aren't relational first - they're personal first. They're the habits, disciplines, and values that shape how someone moves through the world, regardless of who's watching or who enters the room. 

Preferences tell who you want. 
Standards tell who you'll be once you have them. 

Now, alot of dating advice is aimed at men that revolves around maximizing access to women, rather than maximizing the quality of a relationship with one woman or even with themselves. It's about "more options." Shapeshift men and chameleons don't have standards. 🦎They blend in and change and mold and shift to whatever fits their fancy, aka "preference," just to gain access. Their goal is breadth - not depth of self-knowledge or depth of connection with one woman. And when breadth becomes the metric, the measuring line, standards and a personal code of conduct look very inconvenient. 

Can you see how disgusting this is? 🤮 No wonder so many women are telling other women not to get married. 

Now on the other hand, we women have largely developed an internal code of conduct because society demanded one. We're taught to preserve relationships, smooth conflict, maintain reputation, and think carefully about consequences of our every action. (How exhausting.🥱) 

Standards are filters. A person with them doesn't entertain everyone, doesn't flirt with everyone interested, doesn't keep "backups" or "just in cases," doesn't say yes just because he/she can. Standards require discipline and reduce options on purpose. Standards say, "I don't make decisions based on what I'm allowed to do or have the opportunity to do. 

I make them based on who I've decided to be."

On the one hand, there's the idea of access = success. And on the opposite side, there's the idea that discernment = maturity. The most meaningful and capable people are the ones who've already built something meaningful within themselves. Many people become experts at describing the type of person they want while remaining vague, about the type of person they're actually becoming. People can talk on and on about their "dealbreakers" but get uncomfortably quiet when asked what standards govern their own life. 

It's easier to evaluate someone else than to evaluate yourself. 

For men, it's easier to say, "I want a woman who goes to church" than to ask, "what does my own secret spiritual life look like?" 

It's easier to say, " I want a man/woman who prioritizes fitness" than to ask whether you yourself have demonstrated consistency and discipline that you want someone else to admire. It's easier to critique someone else's character than to develop your own. 

It's easier for men to try to find great women to be their moral compass than for them to learn to build and uphold their own. And something ironic is that many qualities people claim to want in a marriage partner are actually sustained by standards. 

Because, for example, men don't maintain a healthy marriage because they preferred a beautiful woman. They maintain it because of the standards built around honest, integrity, consistency, sacrifice, and forgiveness. 

Preferences might determine who catches your eye. 

Standards, though, determine who feels safe staying around. 

Too many people are trying to find a partner without asking whether they've become a kind of person another emotionally healthy person would actually enjoy building a life with. 

They should ask: "If someone experienced me every day for the next 30 years, what principles would they encounter daily?" 

What someone says his/her standards are is less revealing than what he/she consistently tolerates, practices, and requires of him/herself. 

Remember: actions speak much louder than words. 

I Love You, Too

 God paints beauty across creation and splashes color across the sky. Every sunrise, sunset, cloud formation points to its creator. It just takes eyes to see, to recognize the fingerprints of God who makes all things beautiful. And beyond every splendid thing he's made, his friendship and fatherhood are still the best. He's my treasure and peace, and I love him so much.

He has blessed me over and over. All my days he is worthy of praise. 

He is my rising sun, the fountain I drink from. 

He is faithful over and over, never failing, unending love. 

He is my rising sun, the fountain I drink from. 

He is beyond worthy of praise. 

His mercies are new every day. 

Your grace rolls upon me. My life I lay at your feet. 

In all things his way is supreme. 

With passion, I give everything. 

My life is secure and my joy, it lives in you. 

With every breath I can breathe, I love you too. 

He's a lamp for me over and over. 

The light to my path when I don't know the way.

 He is my rising sun. The fountain I drink from. 

His love spills over and over. 

An almighty, infinite father is he. 

He is my rising sun. The fountain I drink from. 

He is beyond worthy of praise. 

His mercies are new every day. 

Your grace rolls upon me. My life I lay at your feet. 

In all things his way is supreme. 

With passion, I give everything. 

My life is secure and my joy, it lives in you. 

With every breath I can breathe, I love you, too. 

Here's the link to this beautiful song. 

Japan part 2

 On the way to Tokyo Skytree, we paused to drink in the delicious smell of this bakery. 

Ganso Shokuhin Sample-ya (food sample shop) on the 4th floor of the Tokyo Skytree shopping complex. They have a HUGE selection of fake foods available in magnets, tissue holders, plates, keychains, clocks, decorations, pen holders, etc. Such a creative, cute idea. 

This was another shop, glass items.

The map we tried to follow to get to the observation floor.

JUMP shop

Stained glass bookmarks

More food sample items

Stopped to peruse other shops.

Water area outside

Japan's vending machines are awesome.

WOW. Look at the sky.

Rode to the 30th and 31st floor to view the sky tree. At 634 meters tall, it's the largest broadcasting tower in the world. Here's something interesting. The original plan was for Skytree to be 610 meters. But the developers explicitly wanted it to be the world's tallest freestanding tower. As construction plans around the world changed, they adjusted the design and settled on 634 meters specifically to secure the record. 

While we were watching the sun set and waiting for the tower to light up, a storm came and went, and we captured it in fast motion which was really amazing.

Tokyo

We savored this "World's No. 1 Apple Pie" from Mille Mele, a famous shop. It definitely deserves that rating. 

Afterward we ate fried octopus (which I greatly miss) from a mall shop. And how convenient - the banana juice shop was right nearby. 😄😋

The malls and many other places close around 9 or 10 here. 

And that ends the day of July 30th.