Proverbs 21

"It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house. 

~vs. 9

It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman. 

~vs. 19

Whoso keepeth his mouth and his tongue keepeth his soul from troubles. 

~vs. 23 

The first 2 verses use comparative wisdom: the physically uncomfortable and the domestically intolerable.  Let's look at the escalation and consequences. 

Verse 9: The tension forces someone to retreat to the corner of the roof. 

Verse 19: Situation escalates - now the person prefers complete isolation in the wilderness.

Verse 23: The escalation could've been avoided with speech discipline. Restraint in words shows wisdom and can bring peace.

A brawling person is someone who is quarrelsome, nagging, or habitually combative - someone who constantly stirs strife. A contentious spirit often manifests through the tongue. Verse 23 shows that controlling the tongue is key to preserving peace with others and also within one's soul. Both these verses mention a woman, but it can apply to a man as well. 

Vs. 9 talks about a corner of the housetop - in Hebrew homes, roofs were flat and used for various activities. The corner would be the most uncomfortably remote spot. Living there symbolizes isolation and hardship, but that's still preferable to conflict.  A wide house implies a spacious house, but the point remains that physical comfort does not compensate for emotional or relational turmoil.

Vs. 19 then regresses to the wilderness. This is a place of harsh, lonely conditions. But once again, this is better than enduring relational toxicity. If you've ever lived with a woman or man who constantly stirs up strife, you know it's very draining and not fun in the least. 

Let's look at the practical applications these verses offer us for our lives.

1. Peace is more valuable than material luxury or social appearance. A simple, peaceful life is worth way more than a strife-filled affluent life. This reminds me of the men who think it's enough to just provide their wives with money, a big house, nice things, etc. but never show up emotionally or physically. Then they get mad and wonder why their wives are upset. Wealth does not = domestic or internal peace. 
2. These verses emphasize the importance of character and emotional and spiritual maturity. For both husbands and wives, each one's temperament at home has a lasting effect.  Married people need to take the challenge to cultivate gentleness, patience, and self-control so they can work toward peace - not control.   Single people need to seriously consider the emotional and spiritual maturity of a potential spouse. If a person doesn't have self-control with his mouth, better not to marry. Better to stay single than to be married and wish you were {single}. Verse 23 provides the preventative wisdom we need: it's easier to guard the tongue than to fix a broken home. 

If we want to avoid the breakdown of relationship, you and I must start with self-governance at the heart and mouth level. If you get angry quickly or are so prideful you won't listen to others, check your heart. What's in the heart comes out through actions and words and words oftentimes can destroy a home.  The home is either a haven or a battlefield - and your tongue often decides what it'll be. 

A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger. 

~Proverbs 15:1

Even so the tongue is a little member, and boasteth great things. Behold, how great a matter a little fire kindleth. 

~James 3:5